Do You Know Rick?

A luffa shower sponge is really a pubic hair trap.

Yawning during a sad part of a movie always results in this embarrassing and stressful little trial where I have to defend a ‘cry’ prosecution.

“Not every blanket is cozy” is a blanket statement.

Sometimes when I bump into something I say ow! or grimace in pain even though it didn’t hurt  at all.

Tow truck drivers are like traffic vultures – just awaiting that steel carcass.

A cupboard avalanche is a domestic natural disaster.

I’d guess that people who say “pray tell” don’t have much of a social network.

It’s pretty terrifying when peeing and the toilet seat comes smashing down.

… like yesterday I made a cuddle teddy bear for my baby daughter. out of steel wool.

The problem with plastic forks is that each prong becomes a mini slingshot when mixing or scraping.